Practicing Forgiveness for Healing and Recovery in Los Angeles

In a city like Los Angeles, we carry more than we realize - no, not just the long days and fast routines, but the load we have kept tucked away in the depths of our minds. Maybe it is family patterns that followed you even after you left home, friendships that changed, or relationships that did not go your way. In a city where everyone chases dreams, many of us are also running from old wounds.

Nevertheless, you might have heard the oft-repeated words - forgive, forget, take the high road?

Resentment, bitterness, grudges, vengeance - they sound fair, but you know what they say? - “When you seek revenge, dig two graves.” These feelings are simply too heavy to cling to and can only lead to more negativity in your life. Meanwhile, forgiveness is more than just the act of forgiving the other; it is more about how you move past negative feelings of hurt and betrayal and achieve harmony and peace in life.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines forgiveness as the ability to willfully put aside feelings of hurt and resentment against a person who has done something wrong or troubled you in some other way.

Linda Whiteside, Clinical Supervisor at the NuView Treatment Center, says, “Forgiveness is not for the other person - to excuse or reconcile - it is about transforming your own emotions and behaviors in that you are no longer clinging on to negativity. This is why forgiveness becomes key to your healing in therapy.”

Being wronged or subjected to unfairness/unjustness is not uncommon. Yet, when you try to or are prepared to forgive someone who has wronged you, the best path forward is to follow Robert Enright’s four steps of forgiveness:

I. Understand Your Anger

Identify the reasons for your anger toward the other person or event. Understand how your reasons shape your perspective. This allows you to unpack the reasons for your feelings, whether they are feelings of anger, resentment, or even hatred.

II. Deciding to Forgive

In the second step, you explore your reluctance to forgive the other person and the advantages you can gain by resolving to forgive them. Then, you come to the decision to forgive them.

III. Cultivating Forgiveness

You view the other person with curiosity and empathy to understand where they are coming from. Keep in mind that understanding does not always mean you forgive, especially when you face an active threat from the said person.

IV. Releasing Negative Emotions

The final step is the culmination of your journey with and toward forgiveness thus far - experiencing and releasing bottled-up feelings. It leads to healing and positivity.

Linda Whiteside summarizes, “Being wronged or subjected to unfairness/unjustness is not uncommon. Yet, what is uncommon is forgiveness. Why, you ask? It can be very challenging. After all, when you are wronged, it is difficult to look beyond it. In fact, when the other person does not even acknowledge or offer you an apology, it becomes all the more complicated. Nevertheless, what you need to remember is that forgiveness is healthy for you - above everything else.”

Have you always understood forgiveness in how it relates to others? You are not wrong. Yet, you must not forget that forgiveness is toward yourself, too. There are times when you need to forgive yourself to move forward. Mistakes happen, but when you carry them with you, they can lead to intense feelings of guilt and shame.

Forgiving yourself does not mean nonchalance - it comes with taking responsibility for whatever has happened. Reflect on why it happened and the hurt it might have led to. Then, forgive yourself by saying it out loud, writing it down, or any other way you feel is comfortable and empowering.

At the same time, what you must also do is to apologize to the person(s) affected by the event and rectify the situation whenever possible. This can be difficult, but as C.S. Lewis writes, “Courage, dear heart.” You will have to look within yourself to find the courage to do so.

Forgiving yourself is critical to your recovery from substance misuse and mental health concerns. You liberate yourself from the negative feelings of guilt, shame, and anger you might have bottled up so far. The 4 R’s you will have to keep in mind to move toward self-forgiveness are:

• Responsibility: You realize that you have the option to forgive and free yourself from the negative emotions of substance use and other behaviors.
• Remorse: You recognize the hurt your substance use and other behaviors might have led to, accept your mistakes, and approach a forgiving mindset with willingness.
• Restoration: You forgive yourself by taking action to rectify your mistakes and prevent them from happening again.
• Renewal: You need to be kind to yourself and take this as a learning or an opportunity for personal growth.

Forgiveness is change, and change does not come easily. This is why, as you commit to moving toward forgiveness, you can learn some tools and strategies that can ease this journey for you:

Meditation and Mindfulness

These are powerful tools that enable you to be in the here and now (or the present). They provide a new perspective, get rid of negative feelings and impulsive behaviors, and foster a sense of peace.

Journaling

When you write down how you feel, it clears the mental clutter and provides a clear insight into your mind. This introspective tool can allow you to let go of feelings like grudges, resentment, and bitterness. Try journaling daily - just a few minutes every day.

Cognitive Restructuring

It is a strategy to reframe your thinking patterns that are hindering your ability to forgive. When you reshape them to make them more forgiveness-oriented, you can move toward forgiveness. For instance, instead of thinking about how the other person hurt you, you can think about the benefits of forgiving them.

Psychotherapy

As we told you, forgiveness can be difficult to come by - but you do not have to do this on your own. When you reach out to licensed therapists or counselors, they can safely facilitate this journey for you so that you can practice forgiveness toward yourself and others, too.

Linda Whiteside says, “At our Los Angeles facility, 62% of our clients told us that they needed forgiveness in their lives - toward others and toward themselves, too. This is why incorporate forgiveness into your recovery journey through evidence-based strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, mindfulness therapy, and others.”

In a city like Los Angeles, it becomes difficult to sit down with your feelings and move toward forgiveness. At NuView, we understand this is a journey. We can facilitate this journey for you by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment where you can slow down, reset, and foster the power of forgiveness - at your own pace.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us at (323) 307-7997 to begin healing today!

1. Does forgiveness mean reconnecting with someone who hurt me?

No, not necessarily. Letting go and forgiving is an internal journey, and reconnection is optional and only appropriate when safe.

2. How do I know if I am ready to start the forgiveness process?

You will know you are ready to start with forgiveness when holding onto the pain feels heavier than the idea of moving on.

3. How does living in a fast-paced city like Los Angeles affect someone’s ability to forgive?

LA’s constant pressure to keep moving can make self-reflection difficult, which is why slowing down is key to proactive, intentional forgiveness.

4. Can forgiveness help reduce stress and burnout for people juggling demanding LA lifestyles?

Yes, releasing feelings of being wrong, resentment, and bitterness lowers emotional load, which can ease stress and burnout and enhance the quality of your life.

5. Can therapy in Los Angeles help in easing the forgiveness process?

Yes. Therapy in Los Angeles can help you explore forgiveness in a way that honors your principles and lived experiences.