Healing Your Inner Child: Reconnecting with the Past for Emotional Freedom

Remember when we were children? All we wanted to do was grow up. But what happened when we did grow up? Maybe C.S. Lewis explained it better when he said, “When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

You may have often heard that there is a child within all of us - a tiny version of yourself that lurks somewhere deep within. Yet, in the world of “adulting,” you are forced to set it aside. This does not mean your “inner child” ceases to exist. It becomes a living memory of all your good and bad experiences, which can be very useful in psychotherapy (or therapy).

You may have often come across the concept of the “child within” in literature and everyday life. In psychology, Carl Jung introduced the concept of an inner child. He said, “In every adult there lurks a child—an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole.”

The inner child meaning refers to a childlike component of your psyche that impacts how you behave. Over time, you may not be consciously aware of it, which can lead to difficulty in understanding and controlling some emotions. For instance, remember when someone told you you were behaving like a child? Maybe you burst into a dance in the rain or yelled out after a trying day? You guessed it, it is indeed your inner child.

Jung believed that getting back in touch with this aspect of your psyche is a critical part of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, as it allows you to achieve healing and harmony in life.

The inner child reconnects you with a lost part of yourself, one that seemingly disappeared somewhere between childhood and adulthood. While this sounds interesting, for some, it can be difficult, as it means navigating difficult life experiences and memories.

Yet, ignoring the inner child will only make it all the more difficult. It is a very real component of your subconscious that harbors your beliefs, emotions, memories of the past, and hopes for the future. Connecting with it becomes more than just keeping the innocence and doe-eyed dreams alive. It is key to your healing and overcoming those undesirable behaviors that are affecting you to this very day.

So, here is how your inner child is significant to achieve healing with therapy:

• It uncovers and sheds light on how your past experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect impact your present struggles.
• It reconnects you with your dreams or hopes you have moved past or set aside. This is truly empowering, as it connects you with the real you.
• When you understand where those difficult emotions are stemming from, you can manage them in an efficient way.
• You become aware of your maladaptive coping mechanisms and adopt healthy coping skills.
• You introspect, grow, and become more empathetic toward others.

The inner child’s meaning can differ from person to person and from context to context. It is a reservoir of your hopes and dreams, and it is also a reservoir of negative and repetitive experiences of childhood. These damaging and repetitive experiences are what are known as inner child wounds.

Inner child wounds can be called adverse childhood experiences. These range from abuse, neglect, loss of a loved one, parental separation or divorce, a history of substance abuse in the family, and so on.

Wounds like this often lead to unresolved trauma, which can then negatively impact a person far into their adulthood years. For instance, maladaptive behavioral patterns that cannot be explained by any other reason can be the outcome of this kind of mental wound.

Inner child triggers are like any other triggers in that they are mundane events that can disturb your daily life. For instance, if your boss admonished you, you may have a highly disproportionate reaction to this incident - like hysterical crying. This triggered your inner child because it connected this with being shamed or rejected by an authority figure in your life, let us say, a parent.

However, it is not always the case that inner child triggers are negative triggers. Sometimes, when it gets triggered, you can experience even a wide range of joyful emotions as it connects a certain event with something good from your past.

There is a very significant need to heal your inner child wounds. If unresolved, they can lead to childish outbursts, temper tantrums, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment and/or commitment, and self-defeating behaviors, among others.

If you or a loved one experiences any of these signs to the extent that they are hindering your daily functioning and interpersonal relationships, it may be an indication that your inner child needs healing. The good news is that there are evidence-based psychotherapies that specifically focus on healing your inner child, like psychodynamic therapy and internal family systems therapy.

Yes! You can heal your inner child; this is known as inner child work, and here is an overview of how you can do it:

I. Connect With Yourself:

Listen to yourself whether you are joyful or upset. What is happening to you? What do you do? When you pay attention to these things, you begin to recognize your inner child.

II. Self-Care:

Follow consistent patterns of self-care, like hygiene, eating, sleeping, and so on. But incorporate other healthy living practices like meditation and mindfulness as well. They allow you to experience your emotions, and you can begin working on your inner child and heal it.

III. Social Support System:

Focus on those interpersonal relationships that make you feel safe and secure in the world. Build on them. Even if these interpersonal relationships do not include your parents or other family members, it is okay. Sometimes, they can trigger your inner child wounds.

IV. Bring out the child:

Do not be afraid of letting your inner child out. Remember the interests you had as a child or the expectations you had for your future. Reconnect with these to tap into positive feelings.

V. Psychotherapy:

Not all inner child work is meant to be done alone. You can benefit by working with a mental health provider, as they can collaborate with you to heal your inner child.

To release your inner child, you will have to:

• Begin by acknowledging its existence. It resides deep within you and is as much a part of you as your adult self is. So, acknowledge it exists.
• Listen to it; what is it saying to you? You might notice positive and negative experiences and memories.
• Dialogue with or write a letter to it. Ask questions - how it is feeling, what it needs from you, and so on. Then, start journaling these dialogues and experiences.
• Practice meditation and mindfulness. These are tools of self-discovery that allow you to connect with it.

Now, it is also very important to remember that the journey to releasing your inner child is not always a smooth one. It can be tedious and emotionally draining, especially when you have to navigate challenging, traumatic experiences and memories. In that case, it is not beneficial to try this on your own. You need to collaborate with a licensed and skilled psychotherapist (or therapist) who can facilitate this journey for you, with you.

You may have heard of the saying, “All children deserve parents.”? So does your inner child. Rebuilding trust with it is known as reparenting. This needs to be done with your therapist. The goal is to focus on, love, and validate your inner child.

Generally speaking, there are 4 levels of reparenting:

• Discipline - You and your therapist will create a structured and conducive framework for personal growth and development. It involves establishing boundaries and maintaining consistency with growth.
• Joy - You will work on rediscovering the childlike wonder and playfulness to enjoy life and the world.
• Emotional Regulation - You will identify and manage emotions with mindfulness and resilience.
• Self-Care - You will focus on and care for your self, especially in a way that is nurturing.

There are some common obstacles to healing your inner child, which are as follows:

It is buried within your subconscious, making it difficult to reach out to.

You may have developed a wall to protect yourself from negative experiences and memories. This wall can be difficult to break.

There are protector parts in your mind that act as a defense system against negative, triggering events. These can block access to your inner child.

Learning to put on social masks is something we all do as adults. Unfortunately, these masks can restrict your inner child.

You can be resistant to change, especially given the fear and uncertainties that come with tapping into your inner child.

While these obstacles are common, they can be overcome with:

• Motivation - You need intrinsic motivation (motivation that comes from within) to heal your inner child. Unconditional positive regard, goal setting, and positive self-affirmations can build your motivation.
• Personal Responsibility - You take ownership of your journey to connecting with and reparenting your inner child.
• Emotional Intelligence - You focus on developing emotional intelligence that allows you to recognize and manage your emotions.
• Personal Growth - Focus on moving toward a growth mindset. This refers to the belief that you can develop the ability to heal your inner child with dedication, effort, learning, and patience.