Understanding the Gottman Method in Los Angeles

In our work with couples from all over Los Angeles, one theme stands out: communication differences are at the heart of most conflicts, including separation and divorce. Mood swings, flaring tempers, and even infidelity came lower down on the list. What is encouraging is that most of these concerns, and more, can be resolved through a specific couples' therapeutic/counseling method known as the Gottman Method.

If you are wondering whether it can be the right path forward for your relationship - we will explore the therapy in this article so that you can make informed decisions for you and your relationship, depending on where you are at the moment.

The Gottman Method is an evidence-based method of couples therapy that strengthens relationships based on empathy and communication.

Dr. John Gottman and his colleague, Dr. Robert Levenson, teamed up to conduct longitudinal studies on several couples. The team discovered that 69% of the time, relationships suffer from unresolved conflicts.

Based on their findings, Dr. Gottman and Dr. Levenson theorized that the reasons for these unresolved conflicts are the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”:

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defense
• Stonewalling

Using these findings, Dr. Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, came up with the Gottman Method. They based this method of couples therapy on the “Sound Relationship House Theory,” which focuses on the following:

• Enhancing couples’ communication skills.
• Increasing respect and love for one another.
• Removing barriers that can lead to boredom and stagnation.
• Creating a general sense of empathy and understanding within the relationship.

What makes the Gottman Method different is that the techniques used in this therapy are rooted in what makes relationships thrive. Over 40 years of research, Drs. John and Juline Gottman came up with techniques that build a relationship like you build a house.

The Sound Relationship House Theory says that couples have to move through seven floors and have two walls that are meant to hold them together, as they navigate conflicts and lay a strong foundation for their relationship.

The seven floors and two walls are as follows:

Build Love Maps

Know your partner intimately, not just superficially. Building love maps means you know the ins and outs of your partner’s world, not just generic things like what their favorite food is, color is, or season is.

Share Fondness and Admiration

When you admire and love one another, it must not just be taken for granted that the admiration and love are there. It needs to be achieved through words and actions, such as “I love you,” “I am proud of you,” or “I appreciate you.”

Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

One of the strongest predictors of a strong, thriving relationship is when you are able to turn toward your partner instead of turning away from them. You need to seek to connect with one another.

The Positive Perspective

You give each other the benefit of the doubt, as you need to believe you are both batting for the same side at the end of the day.

Manage Conflict

You understand that conflicts are going to exist in a relationship. However, the fact that conflicts exist does not mean that they cannot or should not be resolved.

Make Life Dreams Come True

You create a safe environment where each is able to share hopes, aspirations, and dreams with the other. If you and your partner support each other, you can be connected in personal and shared goals in life

Create Shared Meaning

Understand the habits, visions, narratives, metaphors, and myths about your relationship. These are little “rituals of connection” that can define a couple’s life together.

Trust

Trust each other; believe that your partner has your best interests at heart, and take proactive steps to maximize these interests and benefits for one another.

Commitment

Stay committed to each other. By words or deeds, it must be communicated that one can rely on the other for anything.

Linda Whiteside, the Clinical Supervisor at the NuView Treatment Center, says, “In the Strong Relationship House Theory, building love maps becomes the ground floor - the foundation, so to speak, and creating shared meaning becomes the top floor. Meanwhile, trust and commitment are the walls that relationships hold on to for strength.”

The Gottman Method is not just based on vague theories; it is based on measurable concepts and behaviors that, when learned and practiced consistently, will reduce conflicts and build strong, lasting relationships.

If you are wondering if the Gottman Method is right for you, then it can be useful for couples who:

• Feel stuck in repetitive conflicts.
• Believe in committing to each other after broken trust, infidelity, or other kinds of relationship struggles.
• Wish to reconnect after separation or other relationship troubles.

Moreover, the Gottman Method can be used during different stages of a relationship:

• New relationships
• Pre-marital counseling
• Within a married relationship
• When a couple is expecting children

The Gottman Method is universally applicable, as it has been designed to support couples across different racial, cultural, sexual orientation, and economic sectors.

Linda Whiteside says, “Here in Los Angeles, it is easy for couples to get bogged down and take each other for granted amidst the endless demands of superficial perfection and constant pressure to keep up. If you and your partner are looking to break these unhealthy patterns or reconnect meaningfully, the Gottman Method provides an evidence-based, empathetic way to rebuild trust and intimacy.”

If the Gottman Method resonates with you and you wish to explore how it can benefit your relationship, then reach out to NuView today!

We specialize in providing couples therapy that is tailored to the unique relationship you share with your partner, enabling you and your partner to build love, understanding, and contentment.

Please do not hesitate to contact us at (323) 307-7997 to connect with your experts today!

1. What is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is an evidence-based couples therapy that enables couples to navigate unresolved conflicts as they build strong, committed relationships.

2. How can you build a strong relationship as per the Gottman Method?

Building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other instead of away, the positive perspective, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, and creating shared meaning are ways to build a strong relationship as per the Gottman Method.

3. What are the walls of a strong relationship as per the Gottman Method?

Trust and commitment are the walls of a strong relationship, as per the Gottman Method.

4. Is the Gottman Method effective?

Yes, studies have shown that the Gottman Method is incredibly effective for couples stuck in repetitive conflict or who are looking to rebuild after betrayal, infidelity, and other relationship struggles.

5. When is the Gottman Method not effective?

The Gottman Method may not be effective where there are concerns of physical and emotional abuse, or when other concerns like substance use are involved. These concerns need to be resolved first before the Gottman Method is used to strengthen the relationship.

6. How long does the Gottman Method last?

Typically, couples may experience the benefits of the Gottman Method within 8-12 sessions. Sometimes, it can take even longer.

7. Where can I find the best Gottman therapists in Los Angeles?

To begin Gottman therapy in Los Angeles, you can speak to your primary healthcare provider or trusted family members and friends for references. You can also contact NuView at (323) 307-7997, and we will match you with licensed and experienced therapists who tailor the therapy to your unique relationship needs and goals.