How to Deal With an Alcoholic Parent

Caring for an alcoholic parent is often an unspoken challenge. By right, parents are meant to be the caretakers and protectors of children, yet reality tells us otherwise. The fact of the matter is that nearly 28.9 million Americans aged 12 years and older struggle with an alcohol use disorder (AUD). These numbers serve as reminders that sometimes children do not receive the care they deserve and are forced to shoulder burdens far too heavy for their years.

In these moments, children of alcoholic parents do not understand the extent of damage this reversal of roles leads to. With this blog, we hope to shed light on the effects of alcoholism and offer hope, not only for those who struggle but for the children who carry the weight and for families who can find healing through recovery.

Living with an alcoholic parent(s) is never easy for children; it is bound to become confusing and overwhelming, as family life can feel tense and fragile, shaped by the ups and downs of alcoholism. The consequences, in fact, often run deeper. Children of alcoholic parents are not just subject to emotional turmoil but may also face a higher risk of developing a substance use disorder(s) themselves, shaped by both inherited traits and the environment they grow up in.

The following are some common experiences when children have to cope with an alcoholic parent(s):

• Sad, angry, or embarrassed about the parents' alcohol use.
• Worry regarding the parents' safety and well-being.
• Feeling lonely and even scared at home.
• Feeling overwhelmed.
• Anxiety and mood swings.

While it is common to experience the above, it is crucial to remember that this is not okay and can become very overwhelming. If you are a child of an alcoholic parent(s), reaching out to other trusted family members or friends can be good for you. In fact, you can also talk to a professional, like a school/college counselor or a mental health practitioner. Remember to never neglect your own safety and well-being.

Living with an alcoholic parent(s) is turbulent, and children of alcoholic parents can feel it all a bit too overwhelming many times. You can feel sad, frustrated, embarrassed, and even angry or fearful of your parent(s). These overwhelming feelings may lead you to act in ways that are not always productive, like walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your parent(s), keeping your feelings to yourself, hiding what life is like at home even from your near and dear ones, and isolating yourself from the rest of the world.

If you experience any of these feelings, know that there is nothing wrong with them. However, do not isolate yourself or let your feelings consume you to the point that they affect your studies and other aspects of your daily life. You can open up to your trusted family members or friends, or you can even speak to your school/college counselor or a mental health provider near you. They will understand you and enable you to develop coping skills that enhance your quality of life.

While children of alcoholic parents often face significant emotional and psychological challenges, families of alcoholics as a whole can also be deeply affected by the ripple effects of their loved one's struggles.

• The alcoholic parent may neglect or even abuse their spouse and children.
• The alcoholic parent may neglect their household responsibilities, which may lead to children taking over responsibilities that are too much for their age.
• The alcoholic parent may find it difficult to hold a job, hence there is not always enough money.
• Fights and arguments become common.
• Parental separation or divorce is also a possibility.
• Children can be separated from the alcoholic parent.
• Relatives can step in to handle the alcoholic parent or to handle the tasks.

When you have a parent who struggles with alcoholism or drug abuse, there are many things that go through your mind. You might want to help an alcoholic parent or even confront them. But first, these are some things you can do for yourself:

Understand That It is Not Your Fault: When you are coping with an alcoholic parent(s), it is common to think that your family life is affected is somehow your fault. However, know that it is not. It is alcoholism that is the enemy. Alcoholism is a severe condition, and your parent(s) will need to consult licensed mental health practitioners to get better.

Recognize Your Feelings: Do not shut out your feelings. When dealing with an alcoholic parent(s), it is common to experience a wide spectrum of feelings. Recognize them, and name them. Whether it is fear, anger, or anything else, acknowledge these feelings.

Open Up to Someone: It is good to have a social support system, like trusted family members and friends. You can open up with them instead of keeping your feelings to yourself or hiding the reality. This will allow you to release your pent-up emotions and even give you the distraction you need. You can join informal support groups like Al-Anon, Alateen, Families Anonymous, and SMART Recovery Family & Friends as well.

Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is one of the primary ways you cope with an alcoholic parent(s). In family life, the lines between what is acceptable and what is not can get very blurry. So, you set boundaries. Stand up for yourself. Be gentle yet assertive. Let your parent(s) know what you will and will not tolerate.

Seek Safety: Know that your safety is of utmost importance. At any point, if you do not feel physically or emotionally safe, seek help or assistance. For instance, you can call emergency providers (like 9-1-1 in the U.S.). Do not feel guilty for this. You have every right to feel safe and keep safe.

Get Professional Help: You can reach out to a school/college counselor. Or you can even speak to a mental health provider. This will help you heal and cope with an alcoholic parent(s) in healthy ways.

Break the Cycle: It happens very often that children of alcoholics turn to alcoholism themselves. This can be because of a genetic predisposition, family history, and the family environment in general. It is common to fall into the patterns familiar to you. However, awareness regarding alcoholism and its consequences, knowing your triggers, and taking preventive steps (like avoiding drinks or moderate drinking) can protect you from alcoholism.

At the NuView Treatment Center, we receive many calls from families of alcoholics who are beside themselves with worry or fear over their alcoholic parents. Children especially wish for their parents to get better, but are often not sure how they can approach it. Here are some tips that can help you better approach your parent:

• Choose a time when they are relatively sober so that they can rationally process whatever you have to say.
• Prepare in advance what you will say to them. Keep the conversation meaningful - let them know that alcoholism is a severe condition that will only get better with professional help.
• Provide real-time examples of how their alcoholism has affected you and your family. Remember not to blame the parent for this; always keep the spotlight on alcoholism.
• If your parent(s) have promised you that they will stop, then remind them of this. Let them know that they understand the effects of their alcoholism and wish to stop it themselves.
• Reassure them that there is hope for recovery, always. If you have examples, you can provide examples of recovery. Let them know that this is what is good and practical in the long run.
• Finally, remember that you do not have to do this alone. Have a trusted family member or friend with you as you speak to your parent(s). If you feel it is not going the way you planned, then simply walk away and continue the conversation at another time.

Remember, you do not have to handle your alcoholic parent(s) on your own at any given time. At NuView, our treatment centers are specifically designed to help our clients recognize the wide-ranging impacts of their alcohol use and move toward recovery and a brighter tomorrow. We are also committed to families and seek to involve them in the treatment of their loved ones as well.

If you are unsure or overwhelmed about where to begin, you are not alone.

At NuView, we help families to take meaningful action. Reach out today - the sooner you act, the closer your parent is to recovery. Call (323) 307-7997 or email us at info@nuviewtreatment.com.

How Does a Parent's Alcoholism Affect Their Children?

A parent's alcoholism can have lasting emotional and psychological impacts on children. For example, the alcoholic father's effect on daughter or son may include low self-worth, anger, emotional repression, difficulty in developing enriching relationships, and risk-taking behaviors. Early counseling or therapy can help address these challenges and promote healing.

How Can Children Unknowingly Enable an Alcoholic Parent?

Enabling an alcoholic parent can take different forms, like covering up their behavior, providing financial support, managing their responsibilities, or even buying them alcohol. While these actions may come from a place of love, guilt, or pity, they are detrimental in the long run. True care means setting boundaries and encouraging treatment, and not shielding them from consequences.

How Does Substance Use Influence a Child’s Performance at School/College?

As dealing with a parent struggling with substance use becomes stressful and overwhelming, a child's performance at school/college can suffer as a consequence. Truancy and poor performance are commonly observed.

What is the Best Way to Support a Child With a Parent With a Drinking Problem?

The best way to support the children of alcoholic parents is to be present and understanding. Listen to them, validate their feelings, and provide emotional support. You can also help them by connecting them with resources like mental health providers or support groups.